The Snyman Blog - Love

31 Days of Parenting Littles: View

hannah — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 18:54:45 +0000

This post is part of my 31 Days of 5 Minute Free Writes. See my first post if you haven't heard of 5 minute free writes.

What's your view right now? Mine is of a dirty floor, which had been freshly cleaned. A bookshelf completely out of order, a shirt covered in spit-up, and toys and books scattered over living room couches. What's your view? Mine is of a sweet baby, sleeping on my chest. A house that's being tended to faithfully by my husband while I'm recovering from a c-section birth. A house that's lived in, laughed in, loved in, played in. My view is of a family. A family that isn't perfect, but who loves each other deeply. A family that tries to serve God and each other. A family that puts the needs of the neediest first, and not the needs of whoever is the biggest or most important. My view is of a family with room for improvement in areas, but with room for admiration in others. My view is of imperfection, realness, and joy. My view is of two people from very different backgrounds who came together to create this amazing, beautiful, love-filled mess. I love this view. There may be more aesthetically pleasing ones, but this is mine, and I treasure it.

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Real relationships

raoul — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 02:13:46 +0000

It seems to me that more and more people these days get their ideas of what love, relationships and marriage are about from the movie stars. They seem to think that the more boy friends or girlfriends you have before you get married, the better. I mean, how else are you going to know who the right one for you is?

Easy actually, by following the Bible and following your common sense in a Godly manner.

In the book Guidance and the Voice of God, the authors explain to us how we get our decisions in life a little mixed up. They postulate that what we regard as big decisions in life (who to marry, what house to buy, which job to take) are in fact the small decisions, and the small decisions in life (what am I going to say when I hurt myself, what movies am I going to watch, what am I going to do with my time) are the real big decisions.

So this means that all our little everyday decisions are important ones. Do you swear? Do you watch the right movies? Do you listen to the right music? Ask yourself the question, "Would Jesus do/watch/say/read/listen to this?"

But why are these seemingly insignificant decisions so important? Because one day when you're looking for a spouse, you'll be making your decision in a similar manner, and you'll no doubt look for those exact things in him or her too. Does she swear? What music does she listen to? Does she watch movies that Jesus approves of?

You see, when you make the small decisions count, and you make sure that all these small decisions are in line with God's will and God's commands, then naturally you'll do the same to the bigger decisions in life. And so the same rules that you apply to your small decisions, you'll apply to your big decisions, which means that in everything you do, you will do it in a Godly manner.

In another book I've read, called The Relationships Revolution, the author explains how Jesus found companionship and intimacy in His friendships with the 12 disciples (later called apostles). He had close friendships with each and every one of them, and He found his companionship in them.

Not that I'm inferring that you should be single, but rather that you should build on your friendships. Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go over the years, but you will always have your friends with you. And who will you go to for comfort after you've broken up? Your friends, naturally.

So you see, having a circle of good, Godly friends is very important. They will be there for you when you're down, you can be there for one of them when they're going through a rough patch, and you can develop some really close and intimate (not physically though, for obvious reasons: that's reserved for your spouse) relationships with them. In fact, I personally think that your friendships are more important than your relationships.

Now you might think, at this stage of this post, that I've swayed off topic here. Let me show you how this all fits together.

The ultimate goal of any relationship is (or should be) marrying that person. When you go into that relationship you should be marriage-minded. That means you need to be ready to get down on your knee (if you're a guy) and propose to the potential boyfriend or girlfriend. But how can you know that you would want to marry this person? Isn't that the goal of going out with them? A firm "No."

Your wife or husband should be your best friend. Which means you need to be friends with this person before you marry them. And since you should only enter into a relationship with someone if you think that there is a high probability of marrying them, you should therefore be good friends with them before you start going out with them.

On a side note, I have a personal theory that if there were more relationships built on friendships, there'd be less cases of mortal enemies after you've broken up.

Why should you be friends with the person before you form a relationship with them? Because then you'll know before you get into the relationship whether or not you two will get along well, what your clashing points are, how to annoy the other person, how to please the other person, and a whole host of other things.

A relationship should be approached in a serious manner, with a lot of careful thinking and planning. You should be asking yourself, "Am I willing and ready to marry this person? Is this person ready to marry me?" You should seriously be looking to settle down. If you're not ready to propose to that person, don't go out with them.

Ok, so by this stage you're either agreeing whole-heartedly with me, or you're disagreeing whole-heartedly. And if you're disagreeing with me, you're probably thinking, "But I want to have a boyfriend now! I don't want to have to wait 3 years for a relationship! I don't want to be lonely!" Let me refer you to a post I made a while back then, called "What is love?" and tell you that you're being selfish, and all you're looking for is what you can get out of it.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 it talks about how there's a time for this and a time for that... essentially there's a right time for everything. God knows the desires of your heart, and sometimes when things don't seem to be going our way, its God just gently telling us that this is not the time for that, its rather the time for us to concentrate on Him, and listen to Him. And if we do that, then trust me, God will honour the desires of your heart, like He did mine. Look at me, I'm married!

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What is love?

raoul — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 17:39:46 +0000

90's dance artist Haddaway wrote a song "What is love" which became an instant hit, and in it he sings,

What is love?
Baby don't hurt me,
Don't hurt me
No more.
Baby don't hurt me,
Don't hurt me
No more.
What is love?

It seems that all he could think of when thinking of love was the hurt he'd been through in previous relationships. And that's but one of many thousands of love songs sung throughout the centuries. But they all have different answers to the question, "what is love?"

Many songs talk about, "feeling your arms around me," and others about, "making love tonight," but is that really love?

As a married man, one who has known his wife for a few years before they got married, I think I have a fair understanding of what REAL love is about. It's the type of love that is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13, particularly these verses:

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails.

I think the part that most people fail is the "Love ... is not self-seeking." How many of these love songs talk about the person being loved? Far less than those that talk about the person doing the "loving". Also, how many of these artists in real life have successful marriages, admirable lifestyles and true happiness? Interestingly enough, almost none of them.

Perhaps for clarification we should look at all the attributes of real love and see what they mean for us in real life.

Love is patient: What is your attitude toward your loved one when they can't get something right or they don't understand you? Do you moan and complain? Or do you patiently explain it to them again for the umpteenth time?
Love is kind: Do you have an attitude of kindness toward your partner? Or are a number of your remarks and actions just plain cruelty? What about if you've broken up with your boy/girl friend? ARe you nasty to them?
[Love] does not envy: Are you jealous of other guys around your girlfriend? Are you catty towards the female friends of your boyfriend?
[Love] does not boast: So you've got a girlfriend, and she's the prettiest girl in the school. Do you go around telling everyone that you're dating the most beautiful girl in the school? Do you tell everyone how great your relationship with your boyfriend is and how it's better than anyone elses?
[Love] is not proud: I think this is self explanatory. Pride and love do not ride in the same boat.
[Love] is not rude: Another self-explanatory one, rudeness is despised by most people and often seen as a sign of disrespect. Anything but love.
[Love] is not self-seeking: What are you getting out of love? Is love all about you and your enjoyment, or about the other person? If you really love that person, you will go out of your way to make sure that they are happy and feeling truly loved all the time. Real love is about the other person, not about you. Divorce is self-seeking, "I'm not getting what I want out of this marriage!"
[Love] is not easily angered: Do you get angry quickly with your spouse? Do you yell or growl at them when they upset you?
[Love] keeps no record of wrongs: An argument comes up, and what do you do? Bring up all the old dirty laundry and wave it in your partner's face? Love keeps no record of wrong, so real love won't do that.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth: Are you careful to do right and eager keep your partner in the right too? If your partner is doing something wrong, do you gently reprimand them?
[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres: Do you protect your spouse? Do you trust them implicitly? Do you persevere in your marriage through all the rough times? These are all signs of real love - the others-focused love.

I know this passage is used often (and most often at weddings), but I do believe that it's a very important point. This passage was actually written as part of Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. Paul had heard reports of what was going on there, and the Corinthians were not behaving like Christians should, and so in this passage Paul was telling them how to love like Christ loves. It also shows us how we should be living and loving others.

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